So I decided to try this blogging thing again – I don’t think it’ll last of course, especially come Christmas – baby number two is due on Christmas Eve!
My first little man (J) is 4 1/2 now and has just started P1 – he’s been there a month now and it’s still proving to be a difficult time. Â He has separation issues and basically cries in the morning when I leave him off – crying that he will miss me. Â I’m having a hard time dealing with this, this morning I actually broke down crying in front of another mum, felt like a fool but I couldn’t hold it in. Â I feel very alone with this, I don’t know what to do or how to make him feel safe which makes me feel like the worse mother in the world. Â How can I not reassure my own child? Â I came out of work to have him, it wasn’t financially viable for me to work and pay for childcare, which I always thought was the best thing to do – I have always been here for him – which I wouldn’t change! Being a mummy is awesome, but difficult a times, but I can’t help think if I had of loosened the reins a little would he be okay leaving me? Â He did do nursery and he did okay, eventually, he didn’t cry as much there but it was just him playing for 3 hours – school is different, structured, so many rules and so much longer than nursery was. Â I know he has to go to school, I just wish I could help him deal with leaving me. Â I miss him so much when he’s not with me, the house is so quiet without him – I constantly worry about how he’s doing – it’s lunchtime now – will he eat? Will he have someone to play with? I have a parent teacher meeting next week maybe my mind will be put to rest a bit then but right now my imagination is running away with me. Â I hate it. Â Worst of all I have no one to talk to about this. Â I’ve never been good at making and keeping friends and perhaps that’s been a major thing as well, he hasn’t really been able to make friends easily and that’s probably my fault as well… Didn’t really mean for this to turn into a pity post – especially for my “first” post.
45 minutes until I head to pick him up.